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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in Vixy's LiveJournal:

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Friday, July 13th, 2001
4:53 pm
Like, Omg, what do we have here?
I have no idea what brought me back here...but here I am. *shrugs* And I still have nothing to say really. Actually tons to say and no clue how to start it all of, or how to finish it. Hmmmm. What do I do? I guess if anyone's out there listening, lemmie know.

Current Mood: No Clue.
Wednesday, February 21st, 2001
9:10 pm
Booooooyah.
Curtis is comming March 14th. Yay. :)

Current Mood: anxious
Monday, February 19th, 2001
7:22 pm
I really didn't die guys.
*mwhahahahaha* Here I am. The pirates finally let me go. Oh my, I am silly.

No really...I'll be serious. I went through this totally depressing "no one talk to me for days and I will smoke away all my troubles" phase for a week or so. But, I am baaaaack. And feeling pretty good. *nods* I go through stuff like this a lot. It's just how I am, I am a cancer.

I am going to stay silent about my little phase and all of the details of it, cause rehashing something that seems delt with is not a good idea. Specially for me. I have missed you guys though. *hehe* I wish I was more like you all, and could use this thing more in a theraputic way, but for some reason I can't get the swing of that. I guess I just don't see people actually caring enough about me to read all the horrid things going on in my life...or even the good ones for that matter.

Anyways, I am back, and I am going to try and keep all my little angels a little bit more informed. :)

I missed you sillies. *mmmwah*

Lachrymatoryyyyyy I wanna talk to you.

Current Mood: ditzy
Sunday, February 11th, 2001
1:29 pm
I wish I wrote this...
-
How long have I been in this storm?
So overwhelmed by the oceans shapeless form.
Water's getting harder to tred. With these waves crashing over my head.

If I could just see you, everything would be alright. If I could see you, this darkness would turn to light. And I, would walk on water, and you would catch me, if I fall. And I, would get lost into your eyes, and everything would be alright.

Know you didn't bring me out to drown, so why am I ten feet under and upside down. Barely surviving has become my purpose, because I am so used to living underneath the surface.

If I could just see you, everything would be alright. If I could see you, this darkness would turn to light. And I, would walk on water, and you would catch me, if I fall. And I, would get lost into your eyes, and everything would be alright.
-
It's so simple. But God. *heh* Why am I so hopeless?

Current Mood: discontent
12:02 am
I saw Hannibal.
Just wanted to let you all know that I threw up in my mouth a couple of times during that flick.

Current Mood: Disgusted *barf*
Friday, February 9th, 2001
10:47 am
So, I so wanna go see Hannibal tonight. I am really excited. Leave it to me to be excited about a total psycho movie. *hah*
It looks so creepy. Anyways, I don't get off work until 6:00 tonight so I bet I won't be able to get tickets in time and all the damn shows will sell out. Who knows. If this movie is dumb, I am gonna be so disapointed.

I have nothing else to write about right now. Going back to work sucks.

Current Mood: calm
Thursday, February 8th, 2001
6:32 pm
Today I loathe...

-My Job
-The movie "Me, myself, and Irene"
-Being put off by Curtis
-Feeling sick to my tummy all day long
-bigbobs.com
-Cranberry juice
-TV
-My lack of vicodin
-Always missing Lachrymatory on ICQ.

Today I love...

-Curtis (even though he's being a dick today)
-Blue Powerade
-My bed
-My fish

The end.

Current Mood: cranky
Monday, February 5th, 2001
10:20 pm
Long blurry weekend. Early Morning tomorow. I have neglected everyone, and my journal. I am not impressed with myself. More tomorow after work.

Current Mood: Sleeeeeeepy.
Thursday, February 1st, 2001
5:20 pm
Vicodin...
kicking in, it's nap time folks. Ahhhh yaah.

*rawr*

Current Mood: giddy
12:42 pm
I really wish hospital gowns closed in the back.
Okay, update. I cleaned Petey's bowl last night. He's so happy...he's swimmin' all around.

I had to go to the hospital around like 2:00 am, it was yucky. I have been having real bad abdominal pain and throwing up and stuff for a few weeks now. My doctor was telling me I had an ulcer, but I went to the Emergency room last night, turns out I have gal stones. Gross. I am waaaay too young for gal stones. But, the emergency doctor told me that it happens to most women with fair skin, who have it in their gene pool. Practically every woman I know of in my family has had theirs removed. It's the most horrible pain I have ever felt in my life. I can't wait to get it out of there. Surgery will be in less than a few weeks...I have never had major surgery before. I am scared. And I reaaaaallllly don't want to have any scars on my tummy. I am totally superficial like that I guess...oh well, I know in the long run I will be so happy the pain is over.
My doctor was sorta cute last night, and he told me I had a pretty smile. *swoons* *hehe*

Mike, I actually thought of you last night after my pains had settled down and I was laying there, I was like "Haha, he's awake and at a hospital too." Buuuut, I am sure you were having a better time than I was.

Anyways, I am gonna go take another nap, maybe get up in a while and get some food, hopefully I'll be able to hold it down without any problems. *nods* I bet you all hate hearing about my medical problems, I promise I'll be back to the normal, snotty me soon. Yay!

Current Mood: exhausted
Wednesday, January 31st, 2001
6:17 pm
Will I ever shut up?
Hi guys.
I am getting lazy. I feel like I haven't updated you guys in a while but it really hasn't even been a day. I am a total geek. :)
So, I have to give props to Mike and Chelsea. Just cause they did to me, and they're cool. *nods*
*siiiiigh* Letsee. I had a good day today...the kids at preschool were good, lunch was good, cause I actually didn't feel like tossing it afterwards...and getting off an hour early was fabulous. Not too mention the nice line up of songs on the radio as I drove home. I felt so free.
It's Dad's birthday tonight. We're gonna have dinner at home and sit around. Getting old is so depressing. I feel for my parents. I am only 19 and sometimes I feel like my life is already over. I guess that's what growing up too fast does for you. I dread the day when I don't want to celebrate my birthday anymore...Birthdays are supposed to be fun. That's why birthday cake is involved. I love cake. I hate frosting. I wonder why that is? Who knows.
I feel so sorry for Slippery Pete right now. I desperately need to clean his bowl. I bet he hates it in there. I bet he wishes he would drown. *hah* He's like staring at me right now, and I feel for him so bad, it's so wrong that I won't get up and get off my ass and do something for him. I promise. Tonight...he will be free of debris. *hah* That rhymed. I am special.
Oh oh oh, C and I patched things up last night, we're actually gonna be alright again. I hope. I am gonna try real hard. *nods* I am a total shit starter though. I just need to learn when to get out of his face. Maybe then our problems would be solved.
Hmmmmmmmph. I think I am out of things to say for now. I will keep you updated on the cleansing of the fish bowl.

Current Mood: hyper
Tuesday, January 30th, 2001
4:12 pm
Hmmph.
I so need to cheer up.
3:28 pm
The Power of C.
I guess it wouldn't be fair if I started to post entries about C, and not give you our background. C lives in Texas, and I live in California. I am totally in love with him, at least I think so. It's really hard to explain our feelings for each other so other people understand them, and as of right now, neither of us really have any idea what's going on. So, you outside observers may say, "If he hurts you so damn much, get rid of him, or he won't be worth anything in 10 years..." Well, it's already been 5 years, and at no point have my feelings for C changed, unless of course they have gotten stronger.
I never thought I would be the type of girl that needed to hear someones voice at least once a day, or feel totally dejected when things don't go my way with him, but I am. And it scares me to death.
I need to learn not to be so selfish. Which is another thing I don't understand, my self esteem is like less than none, you would think that selfish traits would be found in someone who thought more highly of them self, but I don't. I don't know if it's C's fault, or mine, or anybody's for that matter, but it's there.
I just wish I was different. Stronger than I am, I need to be for things between C and I to work out like I dream about.
I feel like things are slipping between the cracks of my fingers, and I can't seem to make a tight enough fist to hold on.

Current Mood: I feel like I need a nap.
Monday, January 29th, 2001
11:15 pm
Big huge yuck.
I just had a huge insane cry fest/yelling match on the phone with C. I hate the way he makes me feel sometimes. It makes me sick to my stomach.

I have to go to bed now. Puffy cry baby eyes will certainly be a treat to wake up to at 6:00 am.

Current Mood: nauseated
8:00 pm
Time for...
A bubble bath, and a Rolling Stone. Perfect way to unwind.

Current Mood: Soon to be caaaalm.
6:51 pm
Oh my!
Spaghetti for dinner! I'm elated.

Current Mood: bouncy
4:26 pm
Violent Femmes + Napster = No Dice.
How come all the Violent Femmes songs I download off of Napster are so quiet? I hate quiet recordings. Fuct@#$!! The Violent Femmes deserve superb recordings.

Current Mood: annoyed
3:53 pm
Am I wierd?
Is it weird to think about someone? To want to have a complete conversation, even when you don't know them? To wonder when they're gonna respond to you again, or if they're ever going to. I get these outrageous urges to know what's going on in some people lives. Maybe I am just nosy?

I just can't stop thinking about someone, and their fish.

Current Mood: I wonder.
2:44 pm
Doesn't it sorta suck when there is no word you can pick that describes your current mood, and for the life of you you can't think of one to put into the "other" spot. I mean, I could put indescribable, but that sorta connotes excitement, and happiness, which come no where close to how today is going. Today isn't going really awful, but, just not how I wanted my "day off" to go. I had to go to the doctors...eww. I hate hospitals, more than I could ever explain, they just give me the total creeps. I had to get blood drawn from me. 4 viles. Talk about scary. Just watching my blood flow into some tube really gives me the heeby jeeby's. I need to learn not to be such a damn baby. Oh well. Someday.
I went out to lunch with Dad today, that was pleasant. But I always feel like he's pushing. Like he wants me to be something I could just never be. Like being a full time preschool teacher, and a half time student isn't enough. *shrugs* Maybe that's just my own guilt talking, but I don't think so. So anyways...
It's 3:00 p.m I still have a few hours to kick back and relax, maybe I'll go put on my new zip up cardigan. (I love it) and lounge around with you freaks for a while.
Sunday, January 28th, 2001
10:10 pm
Whew. I am finally going to bed. Seems as though this day would never end. *oh my* Hah...well anyway. There was the prettiest purple sunset tonight, it was so perfect. I dunno, I was just in lust with it.
I am so burnt out. I feel like calling in sick tomorrow. Perhaps I shall. We'll see. G'nite.

Current Mood: geeky
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